“I feel like my heart is in a different place. It doesn’t feel like I am doing the right thing anymore.” I said this out loud to my husband after thinking it inside for a while. It was so hard to figure out. Teaching has always been my passion. I know I was placed in the perfect setting to do what I love. The school was close to home with a fun staff to work with and students I became attached to. I kept saying to myself: If this is so perfect for me, why do I have these nagging feelings about something not being quite right?
“You are meant to be a mom.”
With those seven words my husband responded to my confusion. We had been discussing becoming parents, but I didn’t know if that was what I was feeling. Sure, I want to be a mom, but what about teaching? What about my passion? What about my career?
This Is What I Was Meant To Do.
Fast forward to my 5 lb. 10 oz , bright-eyed little boy. Yes, my husband was right! (He usually is, he knows me too well.) This is exactly what I was meant to do. As an only child, I didn’t grow up around babies, so my confidence level was low when it came to anything to do with babies. This little boy changed that for me. I transitioned into motherhood, with some bumps here or there, and there was no going back. Motherhood clicked for me and I was hooked.
When a Passion Changes.
After twelve weeks of staying home on maternity leave I returned to my first passion: teaching. I still felt the passion, but my heart was somewhere else. At the same time, I could not shake that feeling of not being where I should be. I continued to cherish the time I was able to spend with my son and focused on my students when I had to be away from him. After all, I was a teacher with the perfect set up, right? I was able to have my career and have the joy of being a “stay-at-home mom” during our breaks from school. Even with these amazing perks, it turned out that wasn’t enough for me.
A Baby Girl Adds to the Family.
When we found out we were pregnant with our daughter I knew I was going to have these same feelings but now times two! How in the world would I survive without my kids all day long five days a week? This is obviously a little extreme, but being a mom can make you emotional from time to time. After some talking and a lot of praying, my husband and I agreed I should take a one-year leave from teaching to see if staying at home was right for our family.
The Final Decision
Of course, it was not a surprise to me, and let’s be honest, to everyone who knows me, staying at home with my two kids was the right choice for me and my family. I realize there are teachers all over with these same feelings but they continue to teach, making it work for their family. A lot went into our decision, one detail being my husband’s unpredictable schedule as a Fire Chief. My passion for teaching evolved into a passion to be there for my kids. That allowed my husband to devote more time to his passion. It was a win win for us.
Is the Passion Gone?
I made the choice to stay home but that doesn’t mean I completely lost my passion for teaching. I use that passion now to teach my own children, but one day I hope to return to the classroom. Until that time comes, I hope I can create memories with my family that will have me looking back and saying, “I was right where I was supposed to be.”