I am/was a “yes man” or woman I should say. I always have been. I hate letting others down, I like, okay LOVE, the feeling of achievement and worldly affirmation (at times I feel even addicted to success), and I want to be the person that can do it ALL. I was the kid who never turned down extra credit opportunities. In college I cried at the thought of getting a B, and stayed after practice to practice more. I am the friend that likes to plan cookouts, playdates, coffee dates, girls nights, and date nights so that I can be with the ones that I love and so that I can be sure the ones I love feel their importance to me. I am also the one that when you invite me somewhere even if I don’t want to go I am probably going to go because I don’t want to let you down. I am the person that if you ask me to volunteer I am going to be there because I want to help!
Life Changes and Priorities Change
Ten years ago I would have said the “yes man” mentality made me a go-getter, an achiever, a good friend, and eventually would make me into a good mama. Yet, as I age I am starting to realize that for every time I say “yes” to someone or something, I am also saying “no” to someone or something else. Life to me in my thirties with three small children is not what life meant to me in my twenties before my babies and my husband and that is OKAY!
I am no longer saying yes to every invite, every volunteer position, or to every–thing. There is power in the ability to say NO. To make priorities. To have fewer interactions with people outside of your closest circle, so that when you do have time to be with the ones that you love. You are truly yourself with them. I am not encouraging you to say NO to EVERYTHING, I still LOVE to say YES, and honestly, I have to fight my inner people pleaser to not to say yes all of the time still. For me personally, saying no, has given me the freedom to once again enjoy what I love and to spend meaningful time with my friends and family, because I am not always so stressed about what I need to be doing next. I am now living a more intentional and present life, its a beautiful place to live.
I have included 3 questions I ask myself before saying “yes” to another commitment.
My three go to questions before saying “yes”!
- Who is affected and how will they be affected both positively and or negatively by me saying yes?
- What about this commitment brings me or my family joy?
- What is the time commitment required?
Knowing the answers to those questions helps me figure out if anything/everything is a YES or a NO!