My regular gym going husband told me the other day that the gym was so packed that he had to park in a completely different lot than he normally does. “New Year’s resolutions”, we both mumbled. Then I got a Snapchat from a friend proving she was going to bed before 10:00pm… a New Years resolution for her. I also saw a few Instagram stories of other friends waking up before 6:00am to have “mama time” reading a book, prepping for the day, or yoga before the kids got up. A New Year’s resolution she’s really sticking to, complete with tagged accountability partners.
Survival is Enough
Then I saw in my newsfeed this sentence: “My New Year’s resolution is survival.” And for the first time this year, I found something that resonated with me. You see, I’m in the last month of my pregnancy, and my toddler is at home all day with me, too. Every day I say to myself I’m going to tackle these projects, or meal plan this week, or be “more present” while playing tea party for the seventh time before 10:00am. But pregnancy insomnia/fatigue, the sheer uncomfortableness of my can’t-possibly-expand-anymore-belly, the cravings of chocolate milk (which I normally don’t even like) take over, and the “I’ll just sit in silence for a minute” moment that turns into an hour during naptime is basically all I can handle right now.
Sometimes I beat myself up about it and think about the New Years resolutions that are all around me. Do more. Do better. New year, new you. But then, after seeing the word survival in my newsfeed, I realized that is exactly where I am. Right now, I am just trying to survive this season of life for a few more weeks. But then I know I’ll be trying to survive with my new season with a toddler and a newborn.
Someday I’ll set my goals for that every day 20-minute step workout. Someday I’ll reach for the extra celery stick. Someday I’ll finally sleep through the night to wake up refreshed before dawn. But this year, for now, I’m trying not to let those fetal kicks make me pee my pants after just falling asleep at 2:00am.
This year I’m going to just survive.